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Publisher : Black Door Press
Language : English
Product id : RPRUKGYEXYK5Y
File type : pdf
Description
MY BOSS is always trying to get me to do jobs outside my remit by saying: “Go on – it’ll be a feather in your cap.” In case he hasn’t noticed, I don’t wear a cap, and even if I did, I wouldn’t be making myself look an even bigger twat by sticking feathers in it. Pardraig Goole, Cheam !ALL of these ‘top’ athletes don’t impress me. After running the 400m they all collapse and are completely exhausted on the floor. Yet when I watch Police Camera Action, the coppers can chase a Rat Boy for an hour or so and when they finally catch up with him he’s not even out of breath. Explain that, sports psychologists. Richard Devereux, Hereford !YOU often hear about the rhythm method of contraception, but nobody tells you what rhythm to use. I can manage to keep up with (say) the Coronation Street theme, and maybe even EastEnders. But if it’s The Archers, I think I’ll have to carry on using a condom. Reg Nerps, Southampton !I’M no scientist, but if it’s true that we are running out of bees, can’t we just paint some flies black and yellow and train them to eat flowers instead of dog turds? Nickers, Batley !I WONDER if, during WWII, German soldiers ever sing songs about Winston Churchill only having one ball? S. Tupper, email !IT ALWAYS baffles me why my grandparents thought it was such a big deal that their budgie swore. Frankly, if I’d have been stuck in a cage for 24/7 with only a little mirror, a spoonful of seed and a shit plastic effigy of myself for company, I’d be fucking furious too. Henry Dring, Doonray ! WHILST taking my dog Nipper for his daily walk, instead of lobbing the little pink bags contain- ing his morning offerings into the nearest bush, I’ve recently hit on the notion of popping them through the letterboxes of people I dislike.
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